PART 2:my biggest preoblm is that my state seems to ONLY get worse for as long as i can remember. i cannot remember the last time i spent an entire day feeling clear in a way. but WHEN that happens im terrified of my usual life that i waste being a zombie version of myself.its like a vacation from hell but you know it will end soon.btw i tend to get better the longer im awake, so sleep deprivation could be long term cause but is at the same time a short term fix for me.